Helpless

I was feeling rather demotivated at work for the past few weeks.  

It is not just that normal feeling, but it is that deep feeling of helplessness, knowing that there is nothing you can do about what is happening around you.

 

You wish you could be of more help, but others feel you are encroaching in their territory.

 

You try to make things easier, but another person tells you that you should not bother.

 

You suggest new ways to solve the problem, but someone else feels that you are trying to be smart.

 

You try to answer questions posed to you diligently, but others laugh and make fun of what you say.

 

It is just so depressing.

 

But I guess this is all part of the learning process. And I am most thankful to Allah for giving me a perfect boss who is extremely supportive and understanding.

 

Therefore, I try, as much as possible, to take responsibility for my work and my actions. If I make a mistake, I try to swallow my ego, acknowledge my mistake, fix it, learn from it, and hopefully not repeat it in the future. If I think I have done something right, I take note of it and try and improve it as much as possible. And, I try, as much as possible to treat others with kindness and respect.

 

My intentions are clear.

 

And Allah… He is the Most Knowing.

Hari Anugerah PASTI Tambun

PASTI Kawasan Tambun held its Hari Anugerah Kecemerlangan on Saturday, 14 November 2009 at Dewan MKLand Klebang Restu.

The event involved 14 PASTIs which are directly under the purview of PASTI Kawasan Tambun, and the structure is more or less similar to that of PAS Kawasan Tambun. As per previous years, another event will be held at the school level, usually on the last day of school.

The guest of honor was Timbalan Pengarah PASTI Malaysia, Encik Syazwan. Yang Dipertua PAS Tambun, Dr Khairuddin was also there, plus the Bendahari and Setiausaha. Pengerusi PASTI Tambun, En. Hadhri was the Chairman of the Organizing Committee.

Anyway, awards were given to the top three students from every PASTI (both 5 and 6 year-olds). Adik also received an additional award, Anugerah Sahsiah Terbaik for PASTI Tambun. There were also performances from the students – and PASTI Taman Meru did some nasyids (kakak was the lead singer!)

Alhamdulillah, the kids enjoyed themselves, and more importantly, they were motivated to work harder in the future!

I am thankful for the tarbiyyah provided by the teachers at PASTI. Despite the lack of funds, and not so state-of-the-art facilities, the students were given a strong foundation on Islam. As parents, we need to continue the tarbiyyah and monitor the kids continuously so that they practice what they have learnt at school.

Six Things

I came across this beautiful hadith today.

 

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, “If you guarantee me six things on your part I shall guarantee you Paradise: Speak the truth when you talk, Keep a promise when you make it, When you are trusted with something fulfil your trust, Avoid sexual immorality, Lower your gaze (in modesty), and Restrain your hands from injustice.” (Al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 1260).

 

This hadith actually says a lot of things, which may seem easy to accomplish. But in actual truth, it is difficult. Especially that last bit… because humans are weak… and thus we may always have feelings of hatred or jealousy towards others… or hold grudges over the people around us… or worse still, look down on others. And we may have, whether intentionally or otherwise, acted in an unfair or unjust way towards others. Na’uzubillah.

 

This hadith also reminds us that integrity is an indispensible attribute of every Muslim.

 

I am humbly reminded today that I must strive to purify my inner self, my heart, my qalb… all the time.

How do you explain ‘takdir’ to a 6-year old?

What a hectic week it was!

 

Since Abang had to work for 12 hours from 8 in the morning to 8 p.m. last week, I decided to stay at the library and wait for him (of course with my parents’ consent since my kids stay with them during the day). Alhamdulillah, I managed to complete some literature review that has been due for quite some time. My supervisor has indicated that he wants to see me mid-Nov, which means it is next week!

 

Anyway, work was pretty challenging last week too. Heaps of documentation and drafting to do, and of course, attending meetings that never seem to end. And plus, the excitement over MB Nizar’s appeal to the Federal Court on Thursday which had to be postponed to a later date after the submissions from Nizar’s lawyers ended at about 6.00 p.m. Traveling to KLCC on Friday for a meeting completed the working week (which was made better because I went shopping at KLCC).

 

When I got home, there was a bigger problem.

 

My kids received their report cards on that same Friday.

 

Actually, when I heard the news, I was already over the moon. Overjoyed. Adik got first in class, while Kakak got second.

 

 

But of course, mom told me that kakak, being kakak… cried like almost forever when she got home from school. Why do I have to be second? Why must adik be cleverer? Why did she score better when I worked so hard? Why must I be stupid?

 

And I thought… how do I explain to a 6-year old that this is all takdir??

 

Aduh lah…

 

So when they came to fetch me at Megoplex (since my friend dropped me off there), I had a tough time trying to console her. I wanted to tell her that she too, is clever and that she would have to try harder next year but then I decided to just keep quiet and hold kakak. Imagine if the situation was reversed in the future, would I then have to tell the other twin the same thing?

 

Alhamdulillah, kakak sort of got through it by Sunday. Of course she kept repeating how unwise she is, but we managed to make her forget and tell her that she is actually doing well, and that this is all takdir.

 

Actually, I don’t even remember having exams in kindergarten. Seriously. It worries me the ways kids are tortured with examinations at that very young age!

Happy Birthday, Abah

My dad celebrated his 66th birthday on Friday. 

 

Kesian dia, we could only celebrate it on Sunday since he had some other things to attend to on Friday and Saturday. So we bought some presents for him, took him out for dinner on Sunday night and got him a birthday cake… but of course, it was my kids who enjoyed everything most!

 

To my dearest abah… you have always been my greatest inspiration. Thank you for being a wonderful father!

Sesak Dada

Sesak dada. Sesak nafas. Penganiayaan yang maha hebat!

The Perak State Assembly was again in chaos yesterday. Thanks to anilnetto.com for the live feed.

Anyway, I thought Najib has declared that Barisan Nasional is confident that the rakyat now supports them. So, what is the problem? Have a fresh election in Perak. Let the rakyat choose their own government. If BN wins, so be it. If PR wins, so be it.

Otherwise, the whole world will keep laughing at how Barisan Nasional has ‘raped’ democracy in the country. Look at what happened at the Perak State Assembly yesterday. And yet, Zambry can still smile. It is a victory, he said. For whom? For you? Or for the people???

Of late, it is so obvious that BN is trying so hard to make Pakatan Rakyat look bad in the media. Even the smallest news can become a headline. Look at how they played around with the issue on the proposed PAS EGM by Tok Guru. Look at how they portray that Pakatan Rakyat is breaking up when everything is going just fine. Look at how they tried to make Hassan Ali and Khalid Samad look like fools.

On the other hand, the leadership issue in MCA has not even been raised. The corrupt, Isa Samad, who won, will soon be sworn in as an Assemblyman but they are proud of that. The tragedy at Kampar seemed to be swept under the carpet. Who approved the structure of the bridge? Teoh’s case is still unsolved. The constitution has lost its significance and no one seems to bother. The judiciary is in a mess and everyone is happy about it.

Of course, to them, those are small issues. Barisan Nasional will always be perfect. And everything is wrong with Pakatan Rakyat.

Sometimes, I just feel so exhausted although I know that this struggle must go on.

Of Exams, and A Weekend Retreat

My kids just completed their final examinations on Thursday.

 

Alhamdulillah, I think we managed to be more prepared this time around. We reviewed the syllabus a few times, including their hafazan. The elder twin appeared calmer compared to the last exam. She even took time to rest and play after every revision session. I am not worried about their position in the class. I just want them to get something from their learning activities. Insya Allah.

 

Anyway, mom and dad was talking about Felda Sg Klah Hotsprings on Saturday. Since the kids have finished their exams, and dad’s birthday is coming up this Friday, we decided to give it a go. I have been there in December, during the Family Day, but we didn’t get to explore the whole area since most of the time, we were occupied with games and telematches.

 

It was quite disastrous, actually.

 

I woke up at 5 on Sunday to cook nasi lemak… only to find out that we could not bring in food into the area. (Apparently, the rules have been there but they decided to only enforce them recently).

 

The kids got all excited to mandi-manda in the cool pool (there are two types – hot and cold)… only to find out that the cool area was closed for renovation.

 

So, we took the kids into the hot pool for less than one hour (they didn’t like it very much), took a walk around the area, and finally went on a tram ride before leaving by noon.

First Attempt: FAILURE!

I failed, miserably.

 

Seriously, I cannot let go of reading non-academic materials… well… not yet.

 

Horror betul.

 

Despite the disastrous ending during my last class on the 12th of October, and as much as I vowed to stop reading non-academic materials until I complete my studies, I still cannot help the urge.

 

Plus, last Friday was off for us (since Saturday is a public holiday) and I took Monday off to be with my kids on their first day of examinations… Imagine reading journals on a four-day break! Tak boleh jadi ni.

 

So I ended up reading three books: Wo Ai Ni Allah, Lovers and Strangers Revisited and Gurindam Jiwa. 

 

 

Wo Ai Ni Allah is a story of a 14-year old girl who wanted to know if Allah really exists. In the earlier part of the book, the story focused on the dad who was also under the same mission, but later died in a ‘planned’ accident (apparently, the mom’s ex lover killed him). Anyway, both the girl and the dad suffered mental disorder – which really complicated things. Overall, it was an interesting read… but I found some of the paragraphs quite difficult to comprehend (maybe because I wanted to read ‘lighter’ materials!)

 

 

Robert Raymer’s Lovers and Strangers Revisited won the Popular Book Award for 2009. That was the only reason why I got a copy of the book. It contains 17 short stories, from Robert’s own experience living in Malaysia. I think that any Malaysian who reads this book, can relate to most of the stories in the book. Indeed, it was worth reading.

 

 

Finally, Gurindam Jiwa. Three short stories including one GREAT story by Hlovate. By the way, Hlovate, who until today remains anonymous, writes extremely interesting books. In fact, I have read all his (or her) books – 5 Tahun 5 Bulan, aA + bB, Tunas and Rooftop Rant. Of course, the other two stories by Imaen and Noor Suraya are equally interesting, except that Hlovate’s style of writing captivates me!

Let me try to renew my vow: I will stop (read: I will TRY to stop) reading non-academic materials beginning… TODAY!

The End, Totebags and Pak Ungku

I – The End 

Last Monday was my last official class at UIA. It was quite disastrous actually, having to present part of your proposal to your own supervisor. He wasn’t utterly happy with what I have done and believed that I should have done much more. And yes, maybe I have not done enough. But I wish he wasn’t so discouraging. His expectations from Day 1 have been very high, and he believes that doing it part-time should not be an excuse for one to lag in their research work.

 

As much as I am glad that I don’t have to travel weekly (and at night) to and from UIA, I am terrified of my days to come. The journey is definitely going to be more taxing, but I guess it is all part of the learning process. Surprisingly, that ‘discouraging’ effect I felt on Monday turned 360 degrees the next day. I even made a vow to read nothing else other than academic materials (but I am not too sure if I can cope though).

 

Anyway, I will see how it goes. My next appointment to see my supervisor is at the end of November, so I have a lot to do before that.

 

II – Totebags

 

Sometime back, while I was bloghopping, I came across three bloggers who sell homemade totebags.

 

And I fell in love with those bags that I decided to purchase them.

 

I ordered 1 from Ayu, another one from Tika, and two from As (she even gave me two free gifts.. thanks!).

 

Comel!

 

 

III – Pak Ungku

 

Yesterday, we had YM Royal Professor Ungku Aziz giving the Merdeka Award Lecture (part of a series) on Real Poverty at the university.

 

I was there to witness one of the greatest academicians in Malaysia delivering his thought-provoking ideas on what actually is poverty.

 

He started off by saying we should always be precise with time (I guess it was also because we started quite late!). And he then quoted Confucius who said that we should call things by their proper name, otherwise, we would mislead people, i.e. we should call a spade a spade. Anyway, he advised us to read two important books – the Malay Dilemma and the Chinese Dilemma because they both deal with the issue of assets and wealth distribution amongst the two races in Malaysia.

 

With regards to poverty, he explains that the more commonly used term for ‘kemiskinan tegar’ is hardcore poverty but to him, hardcore means one is being obstinate. Degil and nak jadi miskin. The thing is, these people do not choose to be poor, but the circumstances have forced them to live in a state which is unacceptable now, considering the development that Malaysia has achieved. Thus, the term Real Poverty or Extreme Poverty is used (i.e. we should call a spade, a spade). This is, to him, another dilemma that we are facing in Malaysia.

 

He then elaborated that the Real Poverty Group of people are deprived of five important aspects in life, namely health, habitation, education, traveling and sports. And he suggested that these people suffer from real poverty because of low productivity, exploitation and neglect. He strongly believes that if we want to get rid of real poverty, we should change the system completely, especially on getting rid of corruption and cronyism  

 

There was one thing I disagreed with him, i.e. on the hijab restricting women to be more active and free. But that is something I don’t want to comment, considering his well-known secular background.

 

Regardless, it was an extremely enlightening session.

Bagan Pinang By-Election

Isa Samad’s win was more than expected.

As much as I am disappointed with Zulkefly’s defeat, I still see this win by Isa Samad a blessing in disguise. 

It is a plus point for Pakatan Rakyat because BN, or more specifically UMNO does not believe that integrity is a key element in choosing a leader. It further implies that ‘rasuah’ or ‘bribery’ or ‘money politics’ – whatever they call it, is still acceptable in their culture. To tell you the truth, when Isa was first declared as an official candidate, I had a really good laugh. Do they seriously have no one else to contest? UMNO’s culture is quite odd actually – character and values are not considered in their selection of candidates. Therefore, Pakatan Rakyat should take advantage of this situation and promote our own culture and belief – integrity!

 

Even Tengku Razaleigh said that, “A win by Isa would translate into an endorsement of corruption-as-usual within the party and the government that it leads.” And he outrightly stated that he hopes Isa loses, for UMNO has fielded one that has been proven corrupt.

 

But UMNO still won.

 

UMNO may have won the battle, but Pakatan Rakyat hopes to win the bigger war, insya Allah.

 

In any event, this defeat should be a wake-up call for Pakatan Rakyat. The past 7 success stories may not hold true in all circumstances. I still think that Pakatan Rakyat has a lot more work to do, especially in Negeri Sembilan, Melaka and Johor, and plus, Sabah and Sarawak, which are still a bit too far-fetched for us at the moment.

 

Despite the more positive outlook during the last general elections in these three states, the momentum must remain. BN still controls the federal government, thus, it is still privy to a lot of other things – the media, the civil servants, the money – and that puts Pakatan Rakyat on the losing side. The think-tanks of Pakatan Rakyat may need to come up with more radical strategies to take over the federal government in the next general elections.

 

Nevertheless, I believe Pakatan Rakyat has worked extremely hard. I pray that Allah rewards your efforts accordingly. We planned, but Allah is still the best planner.

 

Congratulations anyway, to the PAS candidate, Zulkefly, for your untiring effort and commitment, and for portraying such noble character. May Allah grant you wisdom and strength to go on with your struggle.

 

Allahu Akbar!