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Archive for February, 2005

An enjoyable trip

I enjoyed the journey so much even though it took us 4 hours to get there. It was worth it. And I am so glad that the kids enjoyed it too.

I am definitely going again.

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I have spent the past few weeks thinking about it. This burning desire to take it a step further is just something I cannot let go. It has been awhile since I completed my Masters degree.. and the quest for more knowledge is uncontrollable. I have two options, to do it locally on a part-time basis, or apply for a scholarship to do it outside this country on a full-time basis.


“Follow your heart” is what my mother says. “I know you can do it” is what my father says. And my loving husband says “I will support you, and be by your side through it all.”


Yes. But there are just so many other things that I have to let go if I leave my job now. The salary that I am getting plus all the other attractive benefits are just things that I cannot risk letting go. Of course, I may be able to get a better job when I complete.. but what if I don’t?


Well.. I still have another 9 months to think of it.

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Monologue

Today is another milestone for me. I did not update my blog for the past 9 days! That is bad. I miss my blog. I miss reading others’ blogs. But I am finally back on track. No more traveling for the next few days… so hopefully, it would be updated regularly.


The past 9 days was fun.
The trip to the East Coast was tiring, but it sure opened up my mind. And I found out where my first love is now….. the fact that he is still not married shocked me! I just couldn’t believe it! And I couldn’t help but wonder.. if I had waited for him.. would things have been different? Would he still love me?


But life must go on… and there is no point imagining things that you know is in the past.
I am thankful to be married to my husband, who loves me unconditionally.


And I am thankful.. for everything that Allah has granted me.. good health, challenging job, beautiful kids.. the list just goes on and on….


Could I ever ask for more?

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I am looking forward very much to the next five days as the whole of Malaysia will be on holidays. And finally I get a full 5-day rest, at home.. with my kids and husband. The Chinese will be celebrating Chinese New Year, so to all my Chinese friends, Gong Xi Fa Cai. The Muslims will also be celebrating the new Islamic year.. so Happy Maal Hijrah to all my Muslim brothers and sisters. May this coming year brings us all Allah’s blessings and love.


The most interesting things about these celebrations are the advertisements that appear on TV. The latest advertisement by the national oil company, PETRONAS, was most touching. It was a story about the love of a grandparent who had to endure great hardship to raise her only grandchild. The child’s parents had left him with his grandmother since they had to find a living elsewhere.. but they never came back.


And I am so reminded of my late grandmother. Although my parents had never left me, I was raised by my grandma, or “Opah” as I call her since my parents were both full time teachers. She was a great woman. My late grandfather had many wives, but he only had children with my grandmother.. i.e. my mom and my uncle. He seldom comes home, and my mom used to tell me how she tried to persuade my grandma to get a divorce and remarry. But she would never agree.. You see.. my mom wanted a father who was always home. But my grandma was a loyal person. She loved my granddad regardless. And she chose to stay married to him until he died. She died 33 years later.


And that, to me.. is the greatest love story of all. To love another unconditionally… Which I think is something of a challenge to me!


I still miss my grandma very much. I wasn’t by her side when she died. I was almost 7000 kms away… And all I have left of her, are the sweet memories…..


Al Fatihah to my beloved grandmother…

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Regret

Why do we hurt the people that we love? I always have this feeling deep inside me that says that I shouldn’t hurt him. But I just cannot help myself. Sometimes I do it intentionally.. probably because I felt that he has hurt me badly, or because I felt that I have not been treated well.


I had a huge fight with him. I wasn’t feeling too well.. and I had to sleep late to finish some office work that was due some time ago. But then, the twins decided to have some fun at 3 am in the morning. I was so tired to entertain them, so I begged him to look after them since he was not working the next day.. but he decided that sleep was more important. I simply couldn’t help myself. I cried and cried and said bad things to him which I shouldn’t have.


I regret saying those things to him. I regret hurting him. But I did. And I can never take back those words.. and I hurt him because I couldn’t control myself.

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This is the first time that I have been away from my blog for so long. It’s a record of almost 12 days – that is nearly two weeks! And there is only one thing that kept me away from you, my dear blog and that is work. I could never imagine a more hectic time than the past two weeks. Having to deal with new situations and new people is a big challenge, especially when it involves people from outside your country.And the funny thing was, my boss signed me up for a course during that most critical week of the month! I think he completely forgot about it. When the day arrived that I had to leave for three days, he had the nerve to question me about it! How dare he! But since the company had already paid for it, well… I might as well go. It was actually a refreshing three days for me and my significant other. Since mom decided that the twins should not go, we finally had some time for ourselves. It did feel very odd without the kids around, and the first night away almost drove me crazy.. but after awhile, I felt that it was a time to rekindle our love… Despite the fact that he was being his usual self..

However, I learnt a lot from the three-day course. It was a course about relationship building. I also discovered my personality. I’m supposed to be the soft person, always finding it hard to say ‘no’ to others.. and very sensitive. Funny. I found 80% of what was said to me true. Well of course it had to be true. The answers to the questionnaire were given by me and the system merely read my statements and put them back it nice words for me and finally, give it a label! But it was good anyway. It was good to be reminded that there are other people surrounding you.. and that every person has a different personality. It is up to you to treat them well.. and according to their personalities.

Other than that.. I am still busy. I think I need another two to three weeks to finally settle down. May Allah grant me the patience to get through this.

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